a group that live, feed and travel together as a family
the action of teaching a person a particular skill or type of behavior
I created the name Wolfpack Training because it best describes my health and fitness journey. After trying so hard alone I finally feel like I’ve found my people and where I fit in life. My Wolfpack are strong, genuine, caring and determined. I’m passionate about working with weight loss clients and those new to fitness. I love nothing more than seeing people grow and build their own connections to living a healthy and fit lifestyle.
The short version
After a long journey of ill health, obesity and striving to exist, I found a passion and deep connection in health and fitness.I lost 7 stone in body fat, reversed my ill health and built unbreakable strength in body and mind. I left my career in Finance to train to become a certified Personal Trainer, Nutritionist and Sports Massage Therapist so I can help other achieve their life goals too.
The longer tale
Back in August 2013 my life completely changed. For the last year I had been struggling between working full time in a job I wasn’t happy in, failing at being a single parent, being a carer for a terminally ill family member and trying to keep up the façade of trying to be someone I wasn’t. I was still reeling from a horribly abusive marriage, subsequent divorce and previous nightmare relationships. I was personally, completely and utterly lost. The good news about reaching rock bottom is just when you think things can’t get any worse, they quite often do.
In 2012 I was contacted by a family member to say that one of my parents was terminally ill. I’d removed myself from any contact with my ‘family’ many years previous due to the abuse I suffered as a child. The contact was an 8 page A4 front and back hand written letter pushed through my letter box stating how I had directly caused a family member to have terminal cancer. See, this is why I gave up any contact with my ‘family’. I don’t expect anyone to understand my history, only I can do that because only I was there and only I have my own memories. I couldn’t and have partially written a book to talk about the nightmare of my childhood but here’s it in short. It was 15 years of physical, emotional and mental abuse. I lived in absolute fear of an alcoholic and violent narcissist, but I survived.
As with anyone in life we all develop coping strategies, these are instinctive survival techniques that keep us alive. As useful as they are, over time, they can become invalid. When I left home at 15 I knew nothing of the world. I was brought up to believe that everyone’s family was the same as ours and that belief set me on the worst path. I had learned to meet my basic needs, because they were not met by my parents but I had no life skills. I couldn’t make friends, I had no clue about boundaries and self respect, I had absolutely no idea who I was as a person but I’m honestly grateful for all this. Without a parent falling asleep drunk at meal times, I wouldn’t have worked out how to cook. Without being beaten black and blue you can’t learn how to protect yourself for the next attack. When you grow up being woken up in the middle of the night with your parents screaming arguments, you learn how to sleep at the drop of a hat during the day.
Years ago I was so angry about my past, so lost without a family and so unhappy with who I was but alike you’ll hear so many times from me, the day you discover your purpose, is the day you’re truly born. My story is not the worst out there, people live through some of the worst atrocities imaginable and it took me 30 years to realise it’s what you do with it that matters. After leaving, what I thought was the worst living nightmare, I then went on to create my own for the next 15 years. As an adult I made the choice to accept that I didn’t’ know any better and I wasn’t willing to learn otherwise. I lost the same 10lbs 100 times, joined a bunch of gyms over time and recycled my friends like a revolving door and all the time blaming my past. Yes it was an awful childhood and no one should ever have to suffer the way I did, but it happened for a reason.
The world that we see today is all formed from growth. Our technology, our environment, our governing bodies and even our language evolves from growth. Without learning from our mistakes growth doesn’t exist. Never once did someone wake up and invent the model of the mobile phone you use today. I can still remember a world before the intent and before social media ever existed. Can you imagine waking up tomorrow and all of your Facebook is gone. The internet no longer existing and your mobile phone being the most expensive paperweight you own. Without mistakes and pain we don’t evolve and without my past I wouldn’t be who I am today. I don’t blame any of my ‘family’ members for my past. Today I have my own family built of those I choose to call family, but without first becoming who I truly am, this couldn’t of happened.
In the July of 2013 I had been caring for the alcoholic parent for over 6 months. I had no emotional attachment to them. Buying food, cleaning and helping them to get by day by day was a conscious choice I made, not to have a parent in my life, but to not have any regrets about the situation later in life. The truth is I didn’t owe them anything, they had enough money and influence to have others care for them but I made the choice to be there to prepare myself subconsciously for what was to come.
The night before they passed I was in hospital on my own with them. The room was quiet and the lights were dim as I watched the sun go down that night. For anyone who has been through this, I know you can understand. When someone is that sick and it is this that close to the end there is no life left, only a partial existence. The face had completely changed, there was no communication possible and the sound of the last few breaths of life is inhuman. Sitting there I had little hope they would recover and my heart was filled with utter sadness for them. What had that life been for? They were alsp born into an alcoholic home, lived a childhood of utter torment and spent a lifetime screaming from one life crisis to the next, whilst destroying my life in the process. This was the first time I’d felt this angry in a long time. After a short time, a nurse came into the room, bubbly and friendly as she spoke to the patient like none of this was happening. With no recognisable human response I was confused as to whose benefit this was actually for. There was no point wasting this effort for my benefit and the patient could neither be aware nor did they really deserve this good nature. Then, with the kindest heart the nurse told the patient how dry their lips were and she was going to help. She filled a small bowl with water, took some cotton and with the softest touch, moistened the patience lips. Why? Why do that? They don’t know you’re doing it and they deserve it, don’t you know who this is, what they’ve done. Suddenly I realised that voice in my head, the voice saying all these mean things, thinking these mean thoughts, I know who that is! That’s you! My heart shattered. In that very moment everything made sense. This nurse, this stranger, she didn’t care about who this person was or what horror they had caused in their life, she just wanted to help. The voice inside my head, the pain I’d felt for so many years, it wasn’t me. This person I was struggling to be as an adult. These nasty thoughts. It was my Mum. It was you. I’m not you, and this nurse is showing you the last bit of human kindness you’ll ever know and maybe, just maybe if you had ever recognised this instead of shutting people out, you wouldn’t have ended up like this. Before the nurse left she came by my side and held me, she whispered that I was going to be okay and left the rom quietly. I couldn’t move. I was paralysed realising this is who I was turning into, what I would become and it would be my son sat here next if I didn’t change.
I made two decisions that night that changed everything. Firstly I was not my mother, I never was and I never will be. Due to everything she didn’t have, my Mum had brought me up to be everything she wanted to be. I had no identity, no clue who I was and not a scrap of self worth. I decided it was time to find out who I was and be the best version of myself so I wouldn’t end up the same. Secondly this nurse, this stranger, she didn’t have to do what she did. But she was there for me, she looked out for me when I needed I the most. I decided that if strangers care, then I do too.
Through life experience and study I’ve uncovered the greatest passion in my life is health and fitness. Feeling good about yourself and taking care of yourself, for me, is the easiest way to be happy in life. My approach to everything I do is to breakdown goals into small, easy and manageable chunks that add up to the long term goal. Through learning to take care of yourself in a positive way you gain self worth. By learning what really makes you happy, you uncover who you really are to become your authentic self. When mistakes are made we gain the opportunity to learn, grow and give back.
“If you want to take the Island, burn the boats”