Many times in class or in life I say this; I have no desire to change anyone but to evolve myself. That’s the truth. I hold no judgement over how other live their lives, what they want and how they ‘could’ live. My aim is only as ever to better myself and if in doing so helps inspire others, great.
The list of I wish I had’s goes on forever. My life could have been so different if I had made different choices year ago. But I didn’t and if I had I wouldn’t have what I have today so that’s the end of that.
The facts are that I was the worlds best at putting off what I thought I ‘should’ do. I should get more exercise, I should eat better, I should lose weight, I should stop drinking every weekend, I should stop smoking. Yet everything I did was proactive to that lifestyle.
You don’t wake up one day at nearly 17 stone overnight, that took commitment time and effort. It took me to my absolute limits to find the time, energy, funding and efforts to put that weight on. Why? What were my reasons for all this self destruction? I was killing myself. My organs were being fed poison, I was crushing my heart with fat my liver was becoming toxic and all of it was my own choice.
I never had the time, money, energy or knowledge to get fit and it was for one reason and one reason only. It wasn’t a priority. Someone taught me to switch my excuses with that phrase and see how it felt….I don’t go to the gym because it costs too much/I don’t go to the gym because it’s not a priority. (Ok that doesn’t feel that bad.) I can’t lose weight because it’s too hard/I can’t lose weight because it’s not a priority. (That stings) I don’t take time for my health because I’m so busy with work, home, my son etc/ I don’t take time for my health because it’s not a priority. (Ouch!!!) Thats the one! I don’t take time for my health because of my son?! Do you hear yourself??!! This is where we realise we have cognitive dissonance. I have blatantly made up a stupid reason to justify my actions and I’m that convincing I made myself believe it! Gob smacked.
We can tell ourselves many lies in life but don’t bullsh*t yourself. I was killing myself and my son was suffering. He could have lost his unfit, unhealthy, overweight smoke Mum for nothing. My reasons to stay the way I was, were because I was lazy, I didn’t make any effort to change and I was happy living like that. Cold hard facts. Watching my Mum pass away from completely preventable health conditions was the most terrifying experience of my life. To see a whole life wasted and wraught had the strongest impact on my decision making skills. That’s the difference between every human alive, decisions.
I can say I don’t have the time, energy, money, knowledge, skills or any other reasouce I think I lack but the truth is I have made conscious decision to accept and put action into that decision that it is not a priority in my life. If disaster happens and you need something you find a way. If I had been told I had months to live maybe I would have changed but how on earth is it ok to get that far before we make a difference. My Mum knew what she was doing and she continued until it killed her. Every year, every month, every day, every hour she made a choice.
Is it hard for me to walk into a nice cafe and only order a coffee? Nope. Can I smell the baked goods and see the pastries. Yes, of course. Do I have any desire for them? NO! Emphatically and whole heartedly, no! I made a decision to see them as my road back to obesity. I don’t that ‘balance’ or a ‘treat’ I eat real foods because it genuinely make me feel good and when you have that kind of vitality in your body, anything less is unacceptable.
I can’t control the past but the choices I make now effect the entire of my future and I certainly don’t want to waste any of that time.
Love & light.