What Mum missed out on.

I went out for a run yesterday and I’d planned a nice 10k. Halfway I got to thinking about my Mum. She passed away 3 years ago from alcohol related health issues. We didn’t know each other very well, I left home very young, but I was there when she passed away. I just thought about how much she struggled in life and felt so sad that she never found a connection in herself. It made me feel so sad for her and I was overwhelmed. I’m not an emotional person but before I knew it tears came steaming out.

Being able to run for me is my freedom. She lived her whole life never once rode a bike, learned to swim or run. She did the keep fit classes when I was very little but gave them up, I never knew why. I can’t imagine how hard that might of been for her.

It’s different for everyone but my fitness is like my best friend. I can completely over indulge in high impact work or relax with yoga or a sports massage. I admit I am a fitness junkie in that I work a lot of diverse sports but I have good balance with it. I have to have balance, I struggled with my own addiction demons just like her, except my vice was food. A lot of people may not understand that and that’s cool, this is my life. I guess I just wish my Mum had found something, anything, to connect with herself in a healthier/less damaging way. Then maybe things could have been better for her.

We’re all on our own path but it’s good to think how much we’ve learned and why. It spurs me on to help others and I am grateful to learn from her, it’s just sad it had to happen that way. Love & light xxx

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